she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
this will be a night to untag.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
