3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
