Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think your dad took our porno
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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