how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
