Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
