Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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