Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
