You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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