We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
