Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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