i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
