this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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