Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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