Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
