Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
