So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
