i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
