have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
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