im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
