On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
