My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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