Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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