It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
