Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
