Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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