I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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