Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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