my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
