My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
