2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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