all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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