you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
