yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
