she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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