I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
