Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
