It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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