I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
