just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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