Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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