I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
what day is it and did you see me today?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
