And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
