There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
