I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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