did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
