im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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