Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
false alarm, still single
Randomize
