I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
