I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
