1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
