I hate your face
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How naked do you want me to be?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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