yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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