YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
